Taming ego and letting go of anger.


Anger is energy, and most of the time we misdirect our energy. If we spend our energy complaining, pointing fingers of blame and concentrating on who’s “right” and what’s “wrong”, instead of talking like adults and honestly try to understand and heal the situation, maybe learning to peacefully respond to each unique circumstance rather than reacting to them, to learn that we are, in fact, only draining away the creative energy it takes to solve the problem. Instead of bringing a catalyst for change, anger becomes an excuse for staying stuck.

egoLetting go of anger, self-pity, and self-righteousness can be a powerful decision. It runs counter to our society’s emphasis on who’s “right” and who’s” wrong”.

When anger is nurtured there are no winners. It truly doesn’t matter who’s “right” or who’s “wrong” because, the end result is that all the parties become losers. Relationships are lost, experiences are forgotten, so the “ego” can be satisfied. We all have patterns. Coming to terms and understanding our individual pattern is paramount to moving beyond it and changing them.

Relationships requires two or more people to be involved in. There is just so much one can do when others don’t want, or refuse to participate. Saying the things they don’t accept, or what is in me that makes them uncomfortable with themselves, then walking away or shutting me down is not communication, but the most primitive form of bullying. However, it is not, and it should never be a reason for my anger and ego to emerge. These are the moments the universe  tests us. To see if we have learned the lessons it has been trying to teach us…I, yet again, failed on mine…For me, I know I must practice what I have learned so far, and it is not always easy.

As I work towards clearing anger from my life, I discover it is intertwined in my core, even more deeply that I ever imagined…

Anger is purely generated from my fears, ghosts, insecurities, unresolved business within myself, ego and self-pride. It is nothing more than a defense mechanism created to hurt others but, in the end, it only hurts one person: Myself.

When I fear or hurt, my ego reacts and get up in arms, fighting to convince me that is not my fear but someone elses’ actions and attitudes. However, it only takes me an honest look inside myself to see what’s hidden beyond the anger.

Once I move past anger I find a place where harmony and balance is more important than my own fears, where honesty to myself is stronger than the careless needs and creative lies of my ego. I discover a childlike spirit, a quiet and peaceful energy, a non-judging presence that offers a quiet refuge from the storms of anger and frustrated expectation.

angerNo, I am no angel. I still get frustrated, mostly trying to tame my wild self-serving ego. It tells me, most of the time, that I must be right, that I must win….Win what? I ask. There is nothing to be won besides pride that will last the next 5 minutes, if that long…and, on the other side of the same token, there is so much to be lost…so many possibilities and opportunities for growth, healing,  learning, self discovery, sharing, acceptance, forgiveness, laughter, friendship and love, to say a few.

To learn and control this super inflated ego, it is a daily exercise, and it is true that sometimes, I too fail. However, knowing the path that leads back to the center, where joy, and harmony, and love resides, makes it easier to shush this “mad” ego I have allowed to grow out of proportion and focus on what is important…

Understanding that people have different healing levels, letting others find their own path. Accepting that, sometimes there is nothing else you can do but let them go, to be free to find their own center, their own self and send them love and forgiving energy. This, I find, is a much better and fruitful way to make use the energy that is created from a place of harmony and love.

Simplicity is…a peaceful heart and a quiet spirit.

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9 thoughts on “Taming ego and letting go of anger.

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  1. In learning to let go of anger, as you have so beautifully written here, I have heard or read similar sentiments from others, including my therapist that Anger is a secondary emotion stemming from either fear or _______ — darn, I forget the second one. Anyway, I have been mired in anger since April of this year when I found out my Ex-husband was having an affair while we were married. He is now married to this woman and has completely discarded me. We do not speak nor have I seen him. Detaching my life from his was very difficult thanks to his new wife, former mistress. She forbids my Ex-husband from speaking to me. She forbids us from communicating. When I needed some things of mine, from the home we shared together I had to involve my brother as an intermediary because I am not allowed to call my Ex directly.

    It’s a long story…

    Anyway… I have been very angry at my Ex for lying and deceiving me. I feel betrayed, embarrassed and quite frankly like a fool.

    So tell me, how does one move on from this kind of anger????

  2. Girl for animal liberation.

    I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I have been there, not once, but twice. So the Universe made sure I could learn the lessons I was to learn. The pain feels and seems like it will never go away. April just happened, and, based on my experience, in this first year you need to talk. Talk and experience every situation throughout this relationship again…it is a system we go through to try and understand the why, the how, to wonder how come you didn’t notice…your ego is damaged, it is hurt, it needs and demands answers…I am sorry too tell you that these steps will not bring you anywhere… there is no light at the end of this tunnel….but it is all part of the process and it must be experienced.

    I spent 6 years after the first time trying to understand, to make sense of all, to find someone and everyone to blame….I needed others to sympathize with me, no matter how irrational I was…what a waste of time! It didn’t make me wiser, the pain was there all along, and my ego was so demanding…It needed to have answers and closure…I was almost consumed by the need to see why, our marriage was so ‘perfect’…why??? The universe had to put me trough a whole second time, so I could finally learn the lesson that was to be learned, and I refused to learn on the first time.

    Loosing someone you love is like death, no matter how alive and well they are. We must grief this loss. There are steps towards healing and the only way to reach peace and happiness again is walking each and every step, there are no detours. The steps are: Denial and isolation, then Anger, then Bargaining which is then follow by Acceptance. In Acceptance, life emerges from the darkness and the sun shines upon you again.

    You may loose people along the way, people that you believed we’re there for the long haul. Don’t hold against them, they usually, just don’t know how to see you hurting and feel frustrated they can’t help you. It is human nature to avoid the things and people who frustrate us, who makes us face our own ghosts, the ones we try to hide so well…so, as usually happens they get uncomfortable with themselves and in turn avoid you, you are, after all, the cause to their frustration …over time, however, you come to realize that many of this people will be gone for good…this is a good time to declutter. No, it is not all about disappointments. You will, discover the true friends who are the worth hanging on to.

    There is so much more I can share with you, and I want you to feel free to talk to me any time you wish. I will be here to share the lessons I have learned along the way with you, if you wish. My best advice is, do something for other people, volunteer for a cause close to your heart, surround yourself of good and positive read, music and company, recharge using nature and opening your eyes to the beauty that surrounds you, go for walks, do yoga, meditated. Understand the difference between loneness and solitude…Learn about forgiveness, that is THE practice that will finally set you free. Time will come when you will be able to think of the good things in this relationship, and it will not hurt as bad, I promise, it will be a part of your history, of who you were and the person who you will become.

    About your things…makes a list of ALL that you need and ask your brother to pick it up…eliminated any unnecessary need to contact your ex and his news wife…I know very well, that we keep making excuses for things “we need” to keep that channel open…maybe to remind them of what was lost…all a waste, every time you reach out you wake this pain inside, give it time and privacy to heal…believe and trust the process…no matter how’s hard it is, avoid any contact with them..respect yourself first…I know, it does not seem likely now, but I guarantee, time will come and you will see the big picture, the whys will just make you to be thankful for the lessons you have learned. Be in peace. Love yourself first.

    Noemi Cardoso

    “Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” ― Og Mandino

  3. good info, the ego can be very dominance seeking and when it gets hurt or violated it becomes viscious. But in a way the ego isn’t necessarily a bad thing its what we think about and act on that matters most and you need to make the ego work for you instead of the other way around

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