We are all born with different paths, dreams, ambitions, desires and the challenges that comes along each one of the ways we gravel looking for a way to reach our better self.
No matter were you came from, what language you speak, what color your skin is, how smart, successful, special or evolved you believe you are or what faith your household or your Country follow, we are all here with the same objective: to raise and learn to overcome obstacles, the real one and the ones we create in our minds.
We all get hurt. We all bleed. We all believe, at one point or another, that the pain will never leave us. We all get scars along the way. Some, more than others. Some wounds will heal faster, some will take longer; some will be just a faint mark, while others will be profound but, no matter what, if we allow them, they will heal.
Not all wounds are the same, ignoring the hurt or the necessary therapy to treat each unique wound, is a sure recipe for sustaining bleeding wounds throughout life…recognizing that we need time to heal, to rest, to understand, to forgive is the first step towards healing our body, mind and soul.
If you know me a little, I know you have seem some of my scars. No, no one has ever seem all of them, but I have allowed some to show. They are part of my history, of the person I am. There are no expectations that you will sympathize with them, not even understand them, they were made to order for me. Some, might even resonate with your own wounds. Maybe my healing process and techniques might help you to find a way to heal your own wounds, but the lessons my wounds had were meant to improve me, as a human being, to break me down and built me up, to be or do something better, to make a difference, to teach me about compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, to be a person better than the one I ever thought I could be. Your wounds, and even your healing process might have different purposes and meanings.
However, some of us allow those wounds to become callous and ugly scars, avoiding to treat them. Letting them get infections and never truly heal. Allowing some scars to grow out of proportion, without the necessary care, therefore contaminating the surrounding area, to a point that it hurts just to look at it. Then, over time, they adopt this cynical view that nothing is worth, that everything is scary, that everyone is out to get them, that it is someone else’s fault for their ugly scar, for the open wound that still hurts every time they touch it. They create a wall to keep everyone away, adopt an attitude of ‘if things are not working my way it will not work at all’, if others don’t comply with what they believe themselves to be the right type of person, or attitude, or relationship, they are not welcome…they start nurturing the monster hidden in their own closet and, over time, they believe in everything that the monster tells them.
Ego and, amazingly enough, monsters, in a healthy dosage, are good for us… the problem starts when we feed too much into it, allowing it to have the power to control and dictate the way we live our lives.
Yes, I have been there. My monster was created as a scape to my own pains. It made me feel safe, justified, excusable in my own eyes, it minimized the need to face and treat my wound. It used to tell me that I was safe when ‘it’ was around…and yes, I felt safe..I believed everything ‘it’ used to tell me, about myself and others.
There were times, however, that things didn’t seem to click; that things ‘it’ used to tell me didn’t make much sense; times when the results I got from following ‘its’ instructions were not the ones I wanted; when the consequences of my own actions caused me more pain than I would expect, why? I would wonder…
But, as a came to learn, ego and fear makes a very scary and convincing combination. Every time I would wonder about, if for glimpse of a second, even if it would not make sense, or when the proofs I had were telling me the contrary…my fear of being hurt again was stronger than my desire to be happy; my dream of overcoming my fears were no match to my need to be right, my ego demanded to be fed. It was much easier to point fingers at others than to look the monster in the eyes. Every time I thought about changing my own patterns ‘it’ kept telling me that I would be weak to forgive, I would be a wimp, a looser, that I had no back bone. It was comfortable to believe that love and trust was not worth, because someone else would always screw up at one point or another.
Well, that is a possibility, isn’t? But, then I started to wonder: ‘What type of miserable life is this one? Why am I choosing it? Why do I want to opt, on my own free will, to live life in fear?
One day, not too long ago, I decided to listen to my monster’s reasons. I invited it to sit down and tell me its reasoning… as I listened to ‘it’ I started analyzing them. Some times I would collect data and them write them down, recluse myself, think it over for a couple of days. Some other times, I had to learn how to silence its loud voice. You see, every time I took the initiative to look at its reasoning from a different vantage point, it would come back trying to convince me otherwise. It kept on telling me that I was wrong and it was right.
I had to teach ‘it’ to respect my right to see the stories it told me from a different perspective, under a new light…to understand that even tough I had allowed ‘it’ to grow, and this was, after all MY life, and it was up to ME to choose if ‘it’ would remain or allow ‘it’ to go….
Well, over time, I learned that an alarming number of my fears were completely unfounded; some others had valid and palpable reasons to exist in the first place, but no reason to remain as it was, nor become so inflated yet, some others were completely reasonable. They should be remembered, maybe avoided or handled in a different way if they ever happened again, but they were in no way, shape or form, enough reasons for me to stop living, loving, caring, healing, growing towards the dreams I had and the person I wanted to be.
Amazingly enough, once I took the time to face my monsters and fear, to honestly listen to its arguments, its reasoning, to look through them from a different light, with an open mind and heart, and wide one eyes, I came to realize that they start shrinking. As I moved from one monster to the next, they transformed from this huge wall that used to surround me and shy away the sun light, into these little pebbles scattered around me.
Yes, those little pebbles still can make things uncomfortable, sometimes they just stick to the sole of my feet and make my path very uncomfortable…but if I learn to walk around them, or to stop when they hurt and move them out-of-the-way the path can be a very good one, I can have a healthy, loving, accepting and productive relationship with myself and others.
What I have learned from this relationship with my fears, monsters and ego is: Never to allow our scars to freeze us when changes appears on the horizon. That new possibilities arrives every day, at every moment and sometimes they are not exactly what we expect. That it up to us to stand up and create new opportunities when happiness knocks at our door. Give it a chance…nurture, let it flourish. There will always be risk of losses or pain, every moment of happiness, every love, every action or inaction, every emotion hidden or shown, every breath comes with a risk of sudden death or a heart break…but as the saying says, ‘it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…’
These scars are not there as to remind you of a defeat but as a sign of victory. They validate the fact that you have endured the battles, you have been wounded, broken, betrayed, hurt, bent out of shape but walked alive from the battle camp as a survivor. They are meant to remind you how strong you are when you strive forward, not to paralyze you by fear based on over indulged stories you tell yourself to justify why you are not happy NOW.
Your scars are unique, they are like medals earned at the end of each battle. Each one of them have a special story to tell about you, about your heart, about your character, about your strength, about your courage.
Learn to show them with pride, wear them with honor for you have survived, and nothing, nothing can stop a person who have the courage to face themselves and win over their own ghosts and monsters.
Namaste. N. Cardoso – 12/28/2013
Related articles
- Wounds (grovesleadership.com)
- Life Lesson 11. Heal Your Soul (sumiyamusse.wordpress.com)
- I’m a Healer, Not a Saint! (elephantjournal.com)
- Take Courage (theupsidedownworld.com)
- Soul healing (crystalstarseed444.wordpress.com)
The Power Within 